Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
