everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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