On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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