So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
