Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
high people should be assigned attendants
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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