The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm always down for nudity.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
