I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
