My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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