So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i believe in u and ur pee
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
