My Higher Power is John Stamos
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
