ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
