she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
