How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
