Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
