I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
