I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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