Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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