I don't remember. Are we still dating?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
