theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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