we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
