Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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