So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
