Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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