they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
