the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
