Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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