that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
