I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
