yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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