I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
