i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
