either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
