I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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