capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Couch. On fire.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
