I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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