Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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