Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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