someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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