I accidentally had phone sex last night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Your penis caused this!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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