I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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