I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
