i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
