if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
