Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
