Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
