New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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