billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
