If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
