My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
