A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Randomize
