still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
