Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
