Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wish I only lived at night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
