yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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