I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
